Women are people. And this particular woman is really, REALLY glad Facebook wasn't around when I was your age because I had a lot of the same problems with communication (and relationships) that you do (without the misogyny).
And Facebook is forever (at least until it’s not). Dude, that young woman you meet someday that you hope will be the love of your life? Don't let her read your Facebook.
Or better, since that's really just a dishonest start to a relationship, change so that the crap you're writing in Facebook today isn't what you're bringing into a relationship. I see you only through your Facebook. That means I don’t get a whole picture of your life. But if what I see on Facebook is the edited version, your life is a hot mess, and it starts with two issues: You don't respect yourself, and you don't respect women. In a way, these are linked issues. Let me explain:
You’re unhappy. You state so at least several times a week. You had a brief “true love” relationship earlier this year. It ended badly, as unbalanced relationships often do.
You want to be loved. Oh, honey, I hear you on that. My twenties were hell for that. And you can’t figure out what you’re doing wrong. You’re a Nice Guy, after all. You treat women decently, and then wait impatiently for them to notice and fawn over you in appreciation. Because that’s the reward you've been trained to expect.
You've got it wrong. You've got it totally, wrongheadedly, exasperatingly wrong. You ain't gonna find true love by setting out bait, by treating decency and kindness and friendship as a transaction. You’re going to find heartache, and disappointment, and horrible relationships based on distortions and lies. And eventually, you’ll come to believe that no one can be trusted.
So here’s my advice to the lovelorn young man:
1) Women are people. We see you when you do nice things not because you just want to, not because they’re just the right thing to do, but because you expect to be paid in sex, affection, or even love. And we find it offensive as hell. So knock it off.
2) Women are people. When we see you stating that you ‘value’ us one moment, and then post misogynistically judgmental pictures and memes on Facebook the next, you lose credibility with us. You’re an average looking guy. Stating repeatedly that random women on the internet are “fugly” or making statements about what women are or aren't allowed to wear is both disrespectful and clueless.
3) Women are people. It’s lovely that you have a faith in God. But when you ask your God to change a particular woman’s heart so that she falls in love with you? Dude, that’s asking God to take away her free will. And the women on Facebook see that. And they know you for what you are — a dude who doesn't get that women are people.
4) Women are people. And when we see you go from “true love” to “I hate that bitch and am going to say vile things about her publicly for months” on the internet in one day after a misunderstanding that you later acknowledged and then dismissed, we make a pretty reasonable assumption that you think that in a relationship you have rights of ownership, not rights of partnership, and we don’t want any piece of that garbage, and give you a wide berth.
5) Women are people. At least once or twice a month you post vaguely suicidal threats on your Facebook. At least twice a week you whine about your health or your job or your relationship status. Several times a month you beg for money from Facebook friends. Dude. Who wants a piece of that? We all have problems. What we want in a partner is someone who looks for solutions for problems, follows through on those solutions, and keeps trying new solutions until one sticks. We don’t need someone stuck in self pity and drama.
6) Women are people. We can smell the very common and very frustrating stink of desperation and disrespect a mile away, and want no part of it. We don’t want to be owned, or controlled, or led in relationships. We want a partner, a help mate, a friend. I happen to know that your father is a male chauvinist pig who taught you disrespect for women before you could walk. I happen to know that your mother has been inconsistent over the years and has her own issues. It’s a tough soup to swim out of, especially since someone always seems to be stirring the soup. But that happiness you’re after? It’s outside the soup. Climb on out.
7) Women are people. This particular woman happens to be a trained and licensed mental health therapist who strongly suspects you have an untreated mood disorder. I also happen to know that you live in a community with good community mental health, and that you have at least one person in your close personal circle who know exactly how to hook you up with that community mental health. That person happens to be a woman. A woman who you rarely (and sometimes shouldn’t) listen to. But in this case, she’s right. Get in, get diagnosed, get help. Learn to change the negative thinking patterns, deal with the biological issues, and start living.
Did you notice I started each of these bits of advice with the same sentence? I certainly hope so. You suffer from a huge misconception of women. You think they’re some special class of creature who are unfathomable creatures. On the one hand, you sexualize them and desperately want physical intimacy. On the other, you have contempt for them and want to control their physical intimacy. It’s a toxic mix.
And while you’re focused on shaping women and your relationships with women into these rigid molds you have in your head, you’re completely ignoring shaping yourself and your own life. In some ways, you've done okay for yourself. You have a steady job, and in this economy, that’s not nothing. You live on your own at an age when a lot of young adults are still at home. You have friends and hobbies.
And yet, you’re miserable. Or at least, you say you are, nearly daily, on Facebook, which isn't nearly as private as you think. One step at a time, young man. Get your house in order before inviting someone in to share it. Perhaps now is not the time to distract yourself from dealing with your own problems by seeking intimacy. Perhaps practicing your friendship skills and coping skills and building a better life skills is a better place to be.
And, of course, spend enough time with women — without expectations of romance, without demands, without the assumption that they want different things than you do — that you begin to understand, finally, that women are people.