Teenager: The Makings of a Ladies’ Man
When he was little, in order to teach him about ‘stranger danger’, I had to carefully define stranger as ‘someone that neither one of your parents has told you is okay to talk to’ – because otherwise he would insist that the person was a friend, not a stranger.
Even at that I had to stop and introduce myself to every adult between my house and the elementary school, because he would stop and have conversations with them on his way home from school.
When he was in second or third grade, he came home in tears because three of his friends were extremely angry at him. Turns out all three were girls, and each had gotten possessive over him and was fighting with the other two. His face looked the mask of tragedy as he said to me, “Why can’t they all just be friends?”
All of this presaged the sudden transformation this year from awkward junior high kid to ‘freshman most likely to be smothered in kisses’.
Teenager has a rare combination of utter honesty and deep interest in other people that makes him very desirable to girls his age when combined with the sudden wide shoulders, low voice, and pretty blue eyes.
But none of that holds a candle to his natural instincts with how to be charming.
When Teenager was three years old, Husband worked for an employer that had a very competent, extremely beautiful (and nice) administrative assistant. Husband has often brought Teenager to work with him on days off school, because his work makes that both possible and occasionally a whole lot of fun.
Teenager liked this admin a whole lot (we’ll call her Linda, because she was beautiful). He often hung out with Linda in the office for a bit while Daddy attended to other stuff, and he’d gotten very attached to her.
We were all at a company Christmas party one year, all dressed up, and Teenager (still three years old) had just gotten done dancing with Linda. As she brought him back to us when the music stopped he turned to her, blue eyes unblinking, and said.
“Linda, I won’t miss you when you’re gone.”
We all gasped at his rudeness, and I was about to say something parental but he continued before I could get the words out.
“… because you’ll always have a special place in my heart.” He said this while holding his hand to his heart and looking up at her innocently.
I swear she melted into a puddle of goo.
The good news is that he consistently treats girls with affection and respect and honesty. The bad news is that saying no isn’t in his nature.
I really wish I could lock him in a cage until he’s twenty one.
But I’m just whistling, knitting baby booties, and pointing out condom commercials – and reminding him over and over (and over) that he’s too young for ‘all that’ just yet.
Y’all might want to warn your daughters.